TalkTalk/Onetel - communication ain't their game...

As you would have seen from my post title Arrggghhhhhh!!!! I have had some billing problems with my ISP. This came to a head on Thursday morning when they suspended my broadband service, which really started my day well. I didn't have time to do anything about it then as I had an appointment with the Halifax (which turned a black day into a very bright and sunny day BTW.) so I left it.
I decided later thursday to say stuff'em, I'll go back on dial up for a while and promptly installed a modem in my pc. It was just typical that after doing this I found out that I had lost the driver disc. Bright idea... download them from the internet... oops, no internet. I rang a friend who downloaded some drivers for me and bought them round on a thumb drive, but they were the wrong ones... I probably grabbed the wrong number off the modem, in fact, now I know I did.
I'd had enough and decided to give up for the day thinking I'll give it another bash on Friday.

Friday morning I borrowed a Laptop with a built in modem, entered the details of an old dial up account I used to use and was shocked when it still worked, got online and suddenly realised why broadband was so cool. However, determined not to lose, I struggled on for over an hour of dropped connections, redialing again and again and waiting for the tortoise to wake up before giving up... at 9.30 am I rang OneTel.

The conversation was, I suppose 'interesting' would best describe it. I'll relay it a best as I recall...

*TalkTalk/Onetel will be referred to as OT for readability.

*(remember, this is not an english call center... need I say more)

Me. Hello
OT. Hello, how can I help you
Me. Yes, my broadband has been switched off
OT. I see, do you have your account number.
Me. Yes (says account number)
OT. Oh, I see. Your service has been suspended as you haven't paid your bill.
Me. Yes, I know, but I am still waiting for a reply from you about this as you took the payment out of my account early and cost me £30 in bank charges, so this is your fault.
OT. Can you make a payment today.
Me. No I can't because I can't check how much money is available on my Credit Card so I don't know if there is enough room, and I won't anyway because you are at fault and you owe me £30 and still haven't responded to my email.
OT. I see, hold the line a minute.
Me. Okay.

(piped music - 2 minutes later)

OT. I'll pass you onto my colleague, please hold the line.

(piped music - 2 minutes later - piped music ends - line goes quiet)

Me. Hello (waits)
Me. Hello (looks at phone to make sure not cut off. waits)
Me. Hello
OT. Hello, I understand you have no broadband.
Me. That's correct
OT. Oh, I see you have not paid your bill, that is why. We have suspended your account. Can you make a payment today.
Me. No, I won't make a payment today as I am still waiting for a reply to an email I sent you about this two weeks ago. This is after I sent the email to you through your billing contact page on your website. This email was returned a week later by your technical support department as it was sent there. The address on your website is obviously wrong.
OT. Okay, I'll make a note of that.
Me. This had an email address typed into the reply which I was told I needed to send my complaint to. I forwarded my email to that address and it was returned a day later as the address I was given didn't exist. I had to search around your site to find the right address and forwarded the email again. I am still waiting for a reply to that email.
OT. Okay, please hold the line.

(piped music - 2 minutes later - piped music ends - line goes quiet)

Me. (waits) Hello (waits)
OT. Hello, I understand you have a problem with your billing.
Me. Yes, my direct debits have been returned as you took them early, costing me £30 in bank charges which I feel you owe me.
OT. Can you pay your bill by credit card.
Me. No, you owe me thirty pounds, and I want compensation as you took the money from my account early and cost me in bank charges.
OT. We cannot refund your bank charges, can you pay your bill today.
Me. No, I sent you an email about this weeks ago, and am still waiting for your reply. You are in the wrong and I want compensation and my broadband back on.
OT. We have sent you an email about this.
Me. Hah! Well I can't get it. I don't have an internet connection.
OT. But we have sent you an email.
Me. I haven't received it, I don't have an internet connection to check my emails.
OT. I have it in front of me here.
Me. So are you going to wave it at the phone and say read this. That is as effective as sending me an email. It won't work will it.
OT. I can read it to you.
Me. No, you can print it and post it to me.
OT. Okay, I can do that.
Me. (desperate silence)
OT. Okay, so can you pay your bill today.
Me. (calm, but firm) No, you owe me. You can credit my account with two months worth of rental and put my broadband back on. I've had enough. Since TalkTalk took over OneTel your billing date has been getting earlier and earlier. With Onetel it was taken from my bank always after the 21st of the month, now it has gone from the 21st to the 19th, the 17th and the 17th.
OT. Our system decides the date payments are taken from your account. It changes every month.
Me. Why, all my other Direct Debits come out on the same date every month.
OT. It is the way our system is set up. We cannot change it.
Me. But Direct Debits are supposed to come out on a regular date. You are in breach of the Direct Debit Guarantee.
OT. No, you always receive your bill at the beginning of the month. We notify you by email when your bill is available online. If you look at your bill the payment date is on there.
Me. I don't always have time to look at my bill online. And I've got used to, and expect, the payments to some out of my account after the 20th of the month. You have changed this and have now cost me £30 in bank charges.
OT. But that is the way our system is set up. We cannot change it.
Me. Look, when TalkTalk took over Onetel they changed the terms and conditions. They did this online in June 2006, but never informed anyone directly. You need to put changes of payment dates in writing to your customers. You haven't done that so you are in the wrong.
OT. That is the way our system is set up. We cannot refund your bank charges. Can you make a payment today.
Me. (calm, but firm) No, you owe me. You can credit my account with two months worth of rental and put my broadband back on. I've had enough.
OT. I can't do that. If you don't pay then your service will stay suspended.
Me. Okay, I'll use dial up.
OT. If you don't pay then after a few weeks we will disconnect your service.
Me. (calmly irrate) Fine, I'll sign up with someone else then and you can sing for your money as I don't owe you anything.
OT. If you don't pay then after a few weeks we will disconnect your service.
Me. (calmly irrate) Fine, I'll sign up with someone else then and you can sing for your money forever because I am not paying you what I don't owe.
OT. If you don't pay then after a few weeks we will disconnect your service.
Me. And you can sing for your money.
OT. Please hold the line.

(piped music - 2 minutes later - piped music ends - line goes quiet)

Me. Hello
OT. Hello, this is the billing supervisor. I understand you have a problem with your bill.
Me. Yes...
OT. Can you briefly tell me the problem.

I explain it all over again...

OT. Okay, but we are not in error here. You receive your email notification when your bill is available online. If you look at the bill you will see when the money is taken from your account. There is nothing we can do unless you make a payment to clear the arrears.
Me. I won't make a payment because you failed to inform me of the change of billing date so you are in the wrong.
OT. If you don't pay then your service will remain suspended and will eventually be disconnected.
Me. Fine, okay. Right, I want my mac code. I've had enough I'm going elsewhere.
OT. I'll just contact our technical department, hold the line.

(piped music - 1 minutes later - piped music ends - line goes quiet)

OT. I have just spoken to the technical department and they can generate a mac code, but it will be no use to you unless the bill is paid in full.
Me. Fine, I'll use dial up then.

(Line goes quiet)

OT. I cannot pay your bank fees, but if you will stay with Onetel then I can make a goodwill payment of £30 as you have been a customer for so long, and if you pay the rest we can put your broadband back on.
Me. Yes, three and a half years. How much is the rest?
OT. £10.48 which you can pay by credit card.
Me. Why £10.48. It should be less than that. 2 months rental, that's £37.98 not £40.48.
OT. £2.50 administration costs due to the returned direct debit.
Me. Well, surely you can cover that as well. It's not my fault the Direct Debit was returned.
OT. Okay, I'll give you a credit of £32.50, you have to pay £7.98.
Me. Okay, I'll do that and will give you one more chance.

So, after 27 minutes on the phone I paid the £7.98 and 30 minutes later my broadband was back on. A good result...

but wait... at 11.55am the phone rang.

Me. Hello
OT. Hello, Can I speak to Captain_Beardy (not my real name... how odd would that be!)
Me. Speaking
OT. Hello, this is TalkTalk/OneTel. I am phoning about the £40.48 owed on your account.............

PS. The alleged email still hasn't arrived.